Speaking Our Child's Love Language

Claricia Chan

Claricia Chan

Child’s Love Language.Does my child know that I love her? I certainly hope that she is able to sense my love for her through the kisses planted on her cheeks before heading to work each day. 

As newly minted parents, I question my partner on a monthly basis if we are showering her enough love since her birth. (oh yes, you would have guessed it – words of affirmation is my love language ) How much is enough? How do we measure our love for our kid? Isn’t love a feeling, which is intangible? The only definite thing is we want to make sure we speak our child’s love language consistently

Child's Love Language

You may ask, so what are the 5 love languages and how does it relate to our child? I’ll walk you through the basic concept.

1) Physical touch: Cuddles, hugs and kisses that creates a sense of belonging and closeness.

2) Gifts: May vary from a pencil to the latest toy car.

3) Quality time: Basically it’s “we time” together doing things you and your child will enjoy ie. Family painting, playing soccer together.

4) Words of affirmation: “Well done for the improvement in your grades this semester!” Basically words to reassure your child to celebrate their mini victories and encourage them in trying times. 

5) Acts of service: Rendering help to your child’s reasonable request. In this way, they know they can count on you as their Mom/ Dad.

Speaking Our Child's Love Language 1

Understanding Your Child's Love Language.

Our children first started off as infants, requiring all 5 love languages especially physical touch. 

Gone are the infant days where the mom breastfeeds her child in that comfortable nursing chair in the baby’s nursery, where the dad keeps an eye on his child while his partner is unwell. 

In a blink of an eye, your little one has gone through terrible two, threenager milestones. When they are around five or six years of age, they will display signs of their preferred love language.

Every Child Is Different.

Bear in mind that each child is their unique self. Your older child’s love language may vary from that of your younger child. 

Eleven year old Kayla may yell “I hate you Mummy for not getting me an iPhone! One third of the girls in my class own an iPhone.” while seven year old Adeline says “I love you Mummy for walking me to school on my first
day of school.” 

Kayla’s response suggests that her love language is gifts while Adeline’s response is
indicative of a combination of quality time and acts of service. 

Speaking Our Child's Love Language 2

Observing Your Child's Behaviour.

It’s Adeline’s first day of primary school. 

New faces, different environment, different routine – must have been overwhelming for any young girl, who has been the apple of her grandparents eye.

The simple task of walking Adeline to school could be entrusted to her grandparents, or simply their helper. However, Adeline’s mummy took time off her busy schedule to accompany her to school and through this little gesture, Adeline is all ready to face the
new challenges. 

Always observe your child’s behaviour as they might drop you subtle hints in deciphering their love language.

Sharing The Same Love Language.

Do not fall into the trap of wrong judgement where assumptions take control. There shouldn’t be any “Let’s go for a soccer activity this weekend because Benjamin (Older boy) enjoys that sport, without considering introvert Peter (Younger boy) who enjoys nature walks” 

You wouldn’t want to spend time fixing the years of bitterness and unfairness, if that ever happens. Of course speaking your child’s love language will be way easier if you share the same love language. Trust me, it may even require you to manage your expectations at times.

Love Language

Lowering Your Expectations.

For instance, if you are a perfectionist and expect 100% from your child all the time. One fine day he comes home with a 90% result slip. 

Are you going to reprimand him and send him to more tuition classes? 

In the contrary, why don’t you lower your expectations a little and encourage him for the hard work? This would spur him to greater heights in the long run.

Child's Love Language In Summary.

To sum it up, we, as parents have to prioritize love in our lives by family bonding activities and to make a conscientious effort to speak our children’s love language (not forgetting, our spouse whom we vow to be together in sickness and in good health). ❤

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