10 THINGS NEW DADS WANT THEIR SPOUSE TO KNOW
#1.We’re scared and always worried.
Having a baby is scary especially when the baby needs your attention. You can’t ask the baby when he/she is hysterically crying what’s wrong. In most cases its back to the very few basics.
Is the baby hungry ?
Time to change the diaper again ?
Baby sleepy ? Nap time again ?
Most of the time lacking “motherly instincts” we are second guessing what is wrong with the baby.
And if you are like me , failure to make the baby stop crying will send you to a roller coaster ride full of Anxiety.
#2.We want to decide for the baby too.
Yes, we Dads do make wrong decisions sometimes (some women may be inclined to say ALL THE TIME) , but that doesn’t mean that all decisions should default to the woman.
We too want to choose the clothing , toys , carrier and other stuff for the baby .
It may seem unnecessary and not practical from the spouse’s perspective.
But let’s keep it simple ,we have our “little fantasy” too of how we want to “spoil” our latest addition to the family.
#3.Sex is still important to us.
Sex is not just an intimate exchange. Its key to maintaining and strengthening the relationship.
While it’s not easy to plan or schedule “sexy time” , it is still possible with some effort.
Raising a baby is tiring .Lacking of sleep , self-care time and for some even “toilet breaks” seem totally impossible.
We Dads empathize and know what our spouses have to deal with at home while we are out at work.
#4. As a new dad, we get depressed too.
Our whole world changes the moment a newborn enters the family.The transition is tough for us too.
As much as we want to watch TV all evening after dinner and relax, we can’t. We are adjusting to the new routine just like you.
We know it’s important to help as much as possible once we are back at home from work.
Even if we had a lousy or tough day at work , it should remain at work and not cross the boundaries of home.
Often we are expected to be the strongest in the family with no room of failure , we tend to keep our worries and fatigue to oneself.
#5. We want to help but don't always know how.
Coming back to motherly instincts .It always seems our spouse handles the baby better and naturally compared to us Dads .
Trust me , we really want to help out and ease the stress that comes with parenthood.
In some cases we successfully be that “wingman” you needed but please bear with us if we accidentally add on to your list of worries and just make your life more difficult.
#6. The working Dad guilt.
Yes , we may be away from the baby and our parenthood duties while at work.
But please know that we do think about how much we missed out on family time. Here is a quick list of some working dad guilts,
-Not working hard enough and bringing enough money for the family.
-Failing to support my spouse with the baby in every way I can.
-Missing all the “FIRST” since we are away at work.
-Being tired and grumpy from work and regretting it later.
-Unable to pay enough attention to my spouse needs.
#7. Not being your Number 1 anymore.
Think about it , before the baby it was “what do you want to do or what do you feel like eating and want to do something fun together” .
It’s all about the baby now. Not that any of that is wrong , but please know we miss being your number 1. Your priority and your go to person for anything.
We need time to adjust not being Number 1 anymore and at times we tend to appear selfish.
Help us understand how we can be of support to you emotionally and for the baby.
#8. Yes you are tired but we need breaks too.
No , we are not running away from responsibilities if we ask for some time away. Caring for a baby is hard work and tough , we know that.
Please know its hard on us having to juggle both work and parenthood at the same time.
The very much needed breaks does not only apply to us dads . You might want to spend some time away from your mummy duties and that is perfectly fine .
Let’s make this work.
#9. We miss spending time with you and “you alone”.
We used to have so much fun together as a couple. Now it’s all about responsibilities and the baby. Please know it doesn’t hurt the baby in any way if we choose to let our parents look after the baby for awhile.
It will give us a chance to reconnect as a couple and come back “Stronger , clearer and rejuvenated ” for our baby.
It’s a win for all .
#10. Your amazing transformation.
How did you do it and where did you get that strength and endurance ? You naturally transformed to a mother without any of us realising.
I should probably tell you more often that you are doing an amazing job and I am in awe.
The things you have done for the baby is out of this world and no one will ever be able to understand it.
For that we are eternally grateful for your efforts.